WANTED: Dead or Alive!

For starters...Cupid is stupid! I have pondered lately the notion that my lack of luck in the love department may be because my sights are a bit to broad for the life I live.It seems the qualities that I seek in a person may very well, and to my credit , be gone with the wind. The men whom I evidently seek are dead or fictitious!I am a romantic at heart. All who know me well would agree that Im sappy, hopeful, and above all a modern day Scarlett O'Hara. I happen to believe that love exists in many beautiful forms,and in its purest form can out live death, I believe it will span the years and decades that time insists on inserting. But recently I have had to adjust and alter my future plans because in spite of all of my intricate and detailed planning of "Happily ever after", cupid fell dead from the air without ever firing an acuurate shot!

I have narrowed my errors down to a few problems that I may be experiencing without realizing it.... I am too much like Scarlett ( fiddley dee!) or perhaps Im looking too hard for my Rhett (and sadly coming up way short!). Then Im forced to ask myself whats wrong with being like Katie Scarlett O'Hara? She was a daddys girl, believed in putting her family before all others, and always went after what she wanted- with a vengence! I like that in people- I like that in me! And can someone tell me why I cant have a Rhett Butler? Other than the fact that he is a fictional character- his "character" is exactly what I deserve. I want the man that scans me from the top of the staircase and decides that I should be his. I like a man that takes me by the shoulders and hems me up without making me fear him.I have loved in that crazy kinda way that you see in movies- you know, she cries real hard when he walks away, she laughs real loud when his jokes are barely funny, and she cries real hard when he walks away again. So far ive done alot of crying and they do alot of  walking. Well I have decided this is the scene where I pull the wilted carrot from the burned and trampled garden to declare that " as God as my witness" I shall never be heartbroken again... I hope!

Just like Scarlett- this small war of famine and bitterness will pass for me too, I will face the challenge of rebuilding my little Irish heart, and I will make couture from curtains. My Rhett should be able to look beyond my flaws and shortcomings and see my southern heart, if not, then "Frankly my dear, I dont give a ...."

Less is more

Frequently I go through my kids dressers and closets and do a little purging. Usually you can count on 2-3 garbage size bags of gently worn clothes that will be toted off by friends or neighbors. After the hours it takes to wrestle away beloved hoodies and comfy worn gigantic tshirts from the girls , Im always appalled at the amount of clothes we have accumulated! Im always thankful, mind you for all the dresses and shoes my mom buys them, all the passed down coats that have life still in them, and pants that were a short time ago too big and now unable to be buttoned. My children are growing into healthy adolescents and their fashion sense and bulging drawers prove it. But it makes me scratch my head and wonder how we have so much, why we only wear a few things, and how we can justify the montra of "I have nothing to wear!"

In my quest to understand my pre-teen hoarders, we set out on a mission one weekend to Amish country in Tennessee and a nearby 70's hippie commune. Both sub-cultures tout the need for seperation and surviving in a society where money, status, and accumulation are the benchmark for happiness and success. The homes of each community were similar in that they were minimalistic, unadorned with fancy decor or bright colors, and the vehicles were by far well used and affordable. The Amish prefer all white houses and often the first son builds next door to the parents in a show of family pride and for future care of the elderly members. The hippies made due with old and tattered mobile homes covered in the heavy colors of pine sap and moss.

The one thing that set me back, made me take a closer look at the relative sameness of our lives rather than the differences, was the amount of - for lack of a better word- junk that each family had in out buildings, yards, and visible living areas. I was all together shocked that the simple Amish homesteads were overrun with rusted parts of long silenced-horse drawn plows. The fields were mounded with rotten vegetables falling from the vine, wasted and not wanted. The children freely pumped water from the well head and while waving at us in the buggies, kept pumping similar to my babies leaving the faucet on while brushing their teeth. The hippies have abandoned hybrid cars that look as though you stepped back in time to Lost in Space fully equipped with photovoltaic panels that allow it to be solar powered- many decades before Al Gore warned us of the melting planet we live on. Shacks of schoolrooms for experimenting with seed colonization are abandoned but all relics are labeled with notes of their past prominence on The Farm.

I have to say that it all made me a little sad, in my gut it made me feel lost and ashamed that we have not made concious decisions that limit our intake there by limiting our output. If the Amish who live, worship, and exist in 18th century lifestyles accumulate junk and waste at the rate of my teenager then what am I to do? How can I look to a society of people who dont even wear shoes on a regular basis for fear of losing a sense of belonging to the earth, and the wisdom to pioneer solar energy for water purification, yet are unable to maintain a recycle bin for junk metal and mobile homes that lack sufficient insulation to guard losing heat?

 I have taken stock of my home, my desires, and my family and decided that I alone am in charge of the mass amounts of information, influences, and material things we surround ourselves with. We started a project I was calling "The Low Impact Plan'. The kids were real sweet to catch on right at the 6 month deadline but they saw my efforts and applauded me on even when they were worried for my sanity. We bought little that wasnt completely recyclable, no processed foods, ate daily from the garden supplementing few things, and tried very hard not to buy anything from the store to eat that came from more than 50 miles away. We were able (with the exception of Katie) to go all 6 months without buying new clothes or shoes. we all look back and agree that it was a wonderful experiment and worth the effort. Noone, as of yet, has jumped on board to start up a new plan and this time more rigid in its demands, but Im hopeful!